:: Conjoined Cognition ::

:: Sunday, September 09, 2007 ::

Well Knitty, I think this weekend has convinced me that I should find a way to get back on the meds. I don't think I realized how bad I feel about things because I don't have to really interact with too many people on a daily basis. At least not with people who really know me. The fact is, I don't have any passion for anything because I don't feel like anything matters. When's the last time I rode in your car and wasn't thrusting cds at you left and right? I guess I'm not too upset about my Archos because I don't really feel like listening to music anymore. That's pretty bad. I could just wait and say, "oh, there's a lot going on right now, ride it out" however I don't think it's wise.

The only time I didn't feel like I had a two ton concrete slab sitting on my chest all weekend was when I was drunk. It's pretty bad when I can't even force out the words to talk to you of all people. I feel like I have a lump the size of a baseball lodged in my throat at all times. There's this constant terrible numbness pervading everything with an underlying throb of steady pain and it's really awful.

So I'm going to look into getting into Western Psych and see if I can't get a therapist and some meds, hopefully for free. I was on their website at Mom and Dad's this morning. It's a little confusing but I'll handle it. I don't want to go back 5 years, I know that much. I think it's good that I know how to catch the signs/patterns now. Don't worry about me or anything. A week on Effexor and I'll be my jolly happy self again :)

It's just a matter of getting there, ugh.
:: Mme. M 8:17 PM [+] ::
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Also, can you fix this so we can access the archives? I dunno how to do it.
:: Mme. M 1:16 PM [+] ::
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Ho Ho! Look who's back? Shit, things have really changed in the past two years. I think we really ought to go back to this, it was a pretty great idea.

So I'll see if you somehow stumble across this and all. Maybe I'll just give you a few days then tell you.

Things with Kat are...getting better. We're talking at least. I was feeling tons better then I fucked up and went to her LJ and spent last night hammered and crying at her. She wants to call and I say no. I'm so totally not ready for that. I'm waiting for an email from her now. At least we're not angry with each other any more, but it looks like we're friends only from here on out, which hurts even though it's for the very very best. Mary gave me a few xanax today because I cried in her car when we went to a book store at lunch. Man, I suck. I was fiiiine til I read her post and saw a picture of her with blond hair. She looks so goddamned beautiful.

Oh well. I'ma listen to some Strokes and just relax. Xanax sure is nice.

Love you, hope you catch on and come back soon.

xxxx
:: Mme. M 8:36 PM [+] ::
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